Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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