if you like me you must not know who I am
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
