operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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