If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
