Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
