if you like me you must not know who I am
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
