Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize