I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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