Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
