a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
