I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
