I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
