He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
