Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I FOUND THE LEGS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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