it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
