Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
