worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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