so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
