Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
