Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
