Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
