GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
