nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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