I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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