we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
