forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
