I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
