Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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