I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
