I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
