You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
