just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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