Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
