I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
