Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
