That's when you crack a 10am beer
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
