I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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