So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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