i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
