It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
