I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
