i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
