Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize