I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
