I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
