i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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