after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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