when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
