he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
