UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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