How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
