She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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