i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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