i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
