the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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