I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
