Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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