My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
