Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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