He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
