Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
