If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
