omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize