he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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