The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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