I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
