she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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