i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i think my cat just said my name.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
