dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
